Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
