I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
