Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
