Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
