Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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