And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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