He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
