I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
