You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
