he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
