please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
