his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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