Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
