Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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