White coat. Heels.
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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