3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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