You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
