There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
