My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
