my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I would ride that face into the sunset
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
