The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
