apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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