I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
