Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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