Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
