i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just high enough for therapy.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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