Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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