I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours