Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.