Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
