Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
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Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
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he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.