dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
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I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!