why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
