So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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