I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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