I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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