Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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