I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
