I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
im holly from the hills drunk
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
