I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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