the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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