Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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