I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
