Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
His hands were made for my vagina.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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