So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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