I want to have your abortion
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
