There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
i out mim tonsoeep
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
