Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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