She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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