there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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