It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
