Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
