I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Umm I'm too high to move.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
false alarm, still single
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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