I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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