so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
