he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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