He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
