Barsexuality is the new black.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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