You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize