i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
