i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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