Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
