That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
