Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
