At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
