The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So here I am, sexting at work.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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