HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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