don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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