I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
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So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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