I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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