insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
