I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i wish my penis had a tongue
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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