So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
