i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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