she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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