I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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