Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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