you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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