Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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