They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
